Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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