after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
