If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
