So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Randomize
