Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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