My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
