I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
