Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she smelled like a LAN party
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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