yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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