I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
