I can tuck mytits in my pants
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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