Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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