you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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