Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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