it's great music for shaving your balls
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
