Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
