so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
