youre lurking in front of me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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