I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
