Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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