i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You took a bar mat shot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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