I want to have your abortion
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
