I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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