In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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