She's like a pop up book from hell.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
