I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
