I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
