Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You can't special order awesome
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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