Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
