Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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