Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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