in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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