I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
