i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
