yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
