i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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