He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
