I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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