Do you still have your period?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
