in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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