$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
