You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
