so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
