So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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