In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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