You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
