Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
