So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you had me at cake vodka
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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