Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
