Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
