It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
