Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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