Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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